Wednesday, December 29, 2010

谢谢,我的爸爸

这一篇是写给我爸爸的

:
谢谢你这些年来辛苦工作为家里带来补贴。虽然你不多话,从来没有对工作有怨言,但我知道你是不开心的。

我爸爸是一位教车员,大部分的工作时间都在汽车里驾车。犹豫长时间暴晒在太阳地下,所以皮肤都晒的又黑又干燥。可是穿短裤的他大腿却白白的,明显的肤色差别。

一直以来你在家都不多话,你比较严肃,我和姐姐都不敢跟你交谈。我知道你是很寂寞和孤独的。唯一的娱乐就是在家看电视和跟朋友到外面去喝酒聊天。朋友应该是你唯一诉苦的对象吧? 还是你从来都不诉苦呢?

从小你就喜欢租VCD给我们一家坐在客厅看新戏,那是我小时每天最期待的事情。忘了几时开始,就没租戏看了,应该是没钱吧。以前你会带我们一家4口去吃早餐~可是这情景不在,好久好久我们4口都没一起同桌吃饭了。

几年前,家里发生一些事情,父母吵了一场大架。2005年,还记得姐姐那时要考SPM,而我就要考PMR。不知哪来的传言,加上爸爸喝醉酒回家乱说话,结果惹怒了妈妈搞的出菜刀打架,差一点搞出人命。那是我很不懂事,什么也没说什么也没做,在一旁看,只有姐姐去喝止。虽然说这不是第一次吵架,但自从那天起,爸妈就不交谈,甚至分开睡,不在一起吃东西。妈妈不再原谅你,你的喝酒量也有增无减,心地话只有在喝醉酒的情况下才会说出来。很多次你喝醉后回到家跟妈妈说"对不起",妈妈哭笑不得,哭是因为还很恨你,笑是因为你醉酒贴着妈妈来哄她。你也曾经喝醉酒后,叫我不要交男朋友,做工以后才交男朋友。呵呵~当然,那时的我就读女校,哪来男生呢? 可是上了大学以后就另类话题啦。

还记得当我要上大学时,好选不选,选了Actuarial Science 这一科在 UTAR ,需要一笔钱给学费。学费很贵,第一学期就要RM5000++。你知道了就帮我跟姑妈借钱,那时我才知道原来我爸的积储所剩无几。头一个星期,你每天载我去PJ上课放学。有一次,你的车水滚啊! 路途中停了好几次,自己推掉了学车的学生,你都载我去学院,然后自己想办法搞定你的车。我好感动~接下来我找到了宿舍就搬进去住了一年。你千叮万嘱一定要好好读书,学费很贵的。我辜负了你~

可是姐姐读书从来没有给爸妈添麻烦,她选了Mechanical Engineering 在 KTAR。学院在家附近,来回有巴士。学费都不需要付,因为有100%奖学金。姐姐的成绩一向来都很好,是她那科的 Top Student ,也参加过比赛得奖。她从来都不是家里的负担。。。现在你每天都载姐姐上班放工,真的辛苦你了。

早前,我跟你学架车,学到中途就半途而废,借口是很忙很多考试。我从2007年开始考Undang,2008年就学驾车,同时2008年5月进大学。L牌拿到后到L牌过期,补钱后再过期。最后2010从新考Undang,然后又过期。前前后后拖了3年,花了你多少钱我不晓得,你也没什么怪我。2010年12月28日是我考车牌的日期。
26日:
于是你就再教我驾车,那天你骂我"为什么教了那么多次都不会? ","你看,最差就是你","回家哪条路都不懂","你不会看路牌啊?"。我忍不住在你面前哭了,一旦眼泪流出来就停不了。从开始到结束,我大概哭了1个小时30分钟。一边哭一边学车,怕被别人看见,一直在擦眼泪。回到家还躲在厕所哭,"我真的很笨吗?"。后来我问我的朋友她们有没有被骂过,她们都说不是骂,只是你教来教去都学不会,语气像在骂。这时我在想,其实我爸不是很喜欢这个工作吧? 因为你几乎对每个人都说过"为什么教了那么多次都不会? "
27日:
好不想见到你,怕你再骂我,我又会哭。还好那天你没有骂我,还让我驾车去姐姐工作的工厂接她放工。当然,回的时候是姐姐驾啦。
28日:
好幸运的,我上山PASS了,结下来的都不是问题啦。那天终于考到了P牌。那时我很感谢爸爸一直教我,虽然语气是重了点,但也是为我好。

之前我会为了考车的事情主动跟你说话,现在就没话题了。之前你买了一部PLASMA TV 按在客厅,为了可以让我们一起看大点银幕的电视。可是自从我们有了电脑和上网器,就很少看电视了。你会很失望吧? 只剩下你一个人看电视。

看见你抽屉里一大包药物,觉得很心疼。由于过度吸烟喝酒,心脏出了状况。需要长期服用metoprolol tartrate.
Metoprolol is a selective receptor blocker used in treatment of several diseases of the cardiovascular system, especially hypertension.
Metoprolol Tartrate-Hypertension: One of several preferred initial therapies in hypertensive patients with ischemic heart disease, heart failure, or diabetes mellitus.

我希望我爸可以健康,长命百岁。可以的话,少吸烟吧~喝酒我不阻止你,因为那是你的娱乐,但吸烟真的没有好处。我想可以赶快出来工作,让爸妈留在家休息,培养回你们的感情,要你们不在为金钱烦恼。我要买一间房子,要有按摩椅摆在家里,舒服的大床,大鱼池给爸爸养鱼,安装大电视。。。很多很多。。。

你不需要怀疑,写这篇文章时我都在流泪。我没有勇气跟爸爸说我爱你,没有勇气拥抱爸爸,没有勇气约爸爸吃饭。。。请原谅我~

怀念爸爸的笑容

Friday, December 24, 2010

It's Christmas Eve



It's Christmas Eve tonight.
I have no plan for tonight actually...
not even plan to visit my dear's house and celebrate with him...
then i regret for being lonely at home and facing the laptop all the day...

Haha...
just a few second before this, my dear asking me to visit him...
hmm~ y not he visit me but the opposite way?
how stupid am i? lol~
never mind lo, just wishing my dear have a nice day...
here i come!

And wishing you Merry Christmas too~
Have a nice day~


Merry Christmas
=)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

TODAY IS MY LAST PAPER!!!

========================================
FINAL EXAM - THE LAST PAPER
========================================

yuhoo~ keep thinking...

after today....
after my last paper test...
after 4pm...

IM FREE!!!
I CAN PLAY BUFFET WAR EVERYDAY!!!
I CAN SLEEP LATE LATE EVERYDAY!!!
I CAN GO MY DEAR'S HOUSE FOR "TRIP"!!!
I CAN LEARN DRIVING!!!
I CAN TAKE DRIVING TEST!!!
I CAN DO MY NAILS!!!
I CAN SHOPPING!!!
I CAN GO SALOON TO CUT MY HAIR!!!
I CAN DO MANY MANY THING!!!
WAAAAAAA~~~

how excited i am...
by the way,
wish me good luck for the sociological paper test later~

========================================

Don't wish me this!

========================================

But wish me this!

========================================
=)
+u

Monday, December 20, 2010

SOCIOLOGY

Sociology...
Social integration...
Social institution...
Social interaction...
Social groups...
Social inequality...
Social stratification...
Social mobility...
Social force...
Socialization... Confuse? Now u know how suffer i am...

======================================================

Methodology/Research Method
purpose:
1. check presumed validity of existing theories
2. produce information
3. develop new theories explain how our lives are influenced by various social forces.
method:
survey, observation, experiment, analysis of existing data.

Survey:
1. ask Q abt opinion, beliefs or behaviors
2. method: f-to-f, telephone interveiw or paper-pencil format.
A)Sampling: random/systematic/stratified sampling.
B)Questionnaires & interviews: self-administered questionnaires(multiple choice or true-false)/personal(structured or unstructured interviews)/telephone interviews.

Observation:
1. rely on ourselves to go where the action is and to watch what is happening.
2. detached/participant observation.

Ethnography:
1. an analysis of ppl's lives in their own perspectives.
2. focus more on meaning(what subject think/believe) than activities(what subject do/how they behave).

Analysis of existing data:
1. impossible to gather new info or conduct interview/observation because the ppl we want to study are long dead.
2. secondary analysis-search for new knowledge in the data collected earlier by another researcher.

research ethics:
1. ensure welfare of participants
2. be honest and disclose all details of their research
3. shd not do research that could be harmful to the society.

======================================================

Society
1. is a collection of interacting individuals who share the same way of live and living in the same territory.
2. in a society, members can be from a different ethnic group.
3. a higly complex society may have many diverse characteristics & conflicts because of the society's foundation.

Statuses:
1. the position in the society
2. ppl behave according to their statuses
3. sometimes being ranked
4. we have so many statuses, mainly ascribed & achieved status
A) Ascribed status:
>> a status that one has no control over
>> given to us independently on what we do
>> it based on race, sex, and age.
B) Achieved status:
>> a status that is attained through an individual's own actions
5. despite our many statuses, we are usually influenced by only one status when we interact with others.
A) Master status: dominates a relationships
B) Subordinate status: does not dominate

Roles:
1. every status has their roles
2. role is a set of expectations of what individual should do in accordance with a particular status that they hold.
A) Role Set: an array of roles is attached to one particular role
B) Role performance: how a person actually carries out the role
C) Prescribed role: expectation held in society regarding how an individual with a particular status should behave
D) Role conflict: expected to play 2 conflicting roles of our 2 different status at the same time.
E) Role strain: stress caused by the demand from the role of a single status.

Social Aggregate:
a collection of ppl in one place but dint interact with each another.

Social group:
a collection of ppl who interact with one another and have certain feeling of unity.
A) Primary group:
>> a group of members interact informally, relate to each other as a whole person, and enjoy their relationship, lasting for years.
B) Secondary group:
>> a group of members interact formally, relate to each other as a player of particular roles, expect to profits from each other
>> no emotional ties, the communication is bound by formalities
>> self-centered goal, short term relationship

Social institution:
a set of widely shared beliefs, norms and procedures necessary for meeting the basic needs of society.

Society Sosiocultural Revolution:
1. a process of changing from a simple to complex society.
2. societies can be classified into categories based on the technologies used to produce food.
3. 1st phrase: hunting & gathering, pastoral, horticultural, agricultural
2nd phrase: industrial, information
A) Hunting & gathering:
>> oldest and most egalitarian society in the world
>> a human group depending on hunting & gathering for its survival which usually consists of 25-40ppl
>> nomadic: moving from one place to another as the food supply of the area are given out
>> use simple tools: spears & hand
>> no leader & most decisions are arrived at through discussion
>> influenced spiritual forces and help to obtain food
>> division of labor: Men(hunting wild animal) & women and children (gathering)
B)Pastoral societies:
>> a society based on pasturing the animals
>> domesticate and herd the animal as their primary source of food
>> nomadic: constantly on the move, looking for fresh grazing grounds for their herds
C)Horticultural societies:
>> a society based on cultivating plants by the use of hand tools
>> not nomadic/ permanent settlement: tropical forest in Africa, Asia, Australia
>> labor division: Men (clear forest) & women (cultivating)
>> religion: believe in god & perform religious ritual (to appease the spirit of their dead ancestors)
>> Warriors hold power and prestige
D)Agricultural societies:
>> a society based on large-scale agriculture
>> farmers cultivate a land continuously and intensively
>> some give up farming and become tailors/shoemakers- help city emerge
>> society is headed by a dictator with power- believe leader has divine power
>> hierarchy
E)Industrial societies:
>> a society based on harnessing of machine powered by fuels
>> steam engine was 1st used to run machinery (earlier machine-use wind and water mills depend on human and animals power)
>> invention of automobile, telephone, radio, movies, jet airline- have affected our life significantly
F)Information /post industrial societies:
>> society based on information, services, high technology rather than on raw materials and manufacturing
>> produce food so efficiently that high technology & service dominate the society

======================================================

Culture
1. a designed for living
2. a complex whole of consisting objects, values, & other characteristics that ppl acquire as member of society
3. Material society: material objects that distinguish a group of ppl
Non-material society: a group's ways of thinking and doing
A)Material society:
>> object reflect the nature of society in which they were made
B)Non-material society:
>> abstract entities that influence ppl include:
>>(i)knowlegde & belief : objective & subjective idea/unverifiable
>>(ii)norms & values : social rule specify how ppl shd behave(folkways & mores) & socially shared ideas what is good, desirable or important.
>>(iii)symbols & language : a word, gesture, music or anything that stand for some other thing, eg: language.

Functionalist perspective: culture meets human needs
1. culture serves basic need(food and shelter) & higher need(psychological security, social harmony, spiritual fulfillment)
2. central function: ensure social order & stability
3. without culture, human society cnt survive

Conflict perspective: culture supports social inequality
1. 1st: culture reflect the interest of rich & powerful in society
2. 2nd:
>> protect status quo from alienating effects of social and economic oppression/ cruel exercise of power
>> believe that powerful deserve their riches & privileges because of their great intelligence and hard work
>> the powerless blame themselves for being poor and join the powerful in supporting status quo of social inequality

Symbolic perspective: culture reflects shared understanding
1. portray human as being free
2. culture is a shared understanding that people use to coordinate their activities. therefore, human as being free to create/change culture.
3. culture is a:
(i)guide to social interaction:
>> unable us to think & behave without have to question the meaning of every thought & behavior
>> has not been a perfect/useful guide because social environment changes continuously
>> its fixed & inherited from the past
(ii)product of interaction:
>> it changing, continuously created by ppl today

Ethnocentrism VS Cultural Relativism
(A)Ethnocentrism: attitude that one's own cultural is superior to those of other ppl
(B)Cultural Relativism: belief that cultural must be understood on its own word.

[hopes cultural dint include socialization]
======================================================

Sex & Gender with Family Institution
Gender Roles:
1. the pattern of attitude & behaviour that a society expects of its member because they are female/male
2. gender roles based on:
A) stereotypes : abt how men & women behave
>>women:homemaker, take care of family
>>men:work outside, provide food for family
B)discrimination : abt how men & women shd behave
>>women: shy, passive, weak, emotional, cry easily, sexually passive, dependent
>>men: ambitious, aggressive, strong, control emotions, sexually experienced

Gender socialization:
we are born to be female/male but we learn to become women/men

Socialization Agent-The Family:
1. influenced by parents, develop a sexual identity & learn gender roles
2. (i)at birth:
>> Girls: (pink color, handle more gently, given dolls)
>> Boys: (blue color, given action figures)
(ii)conversation:
>> thought to differentiate he/his & she/her
>> use more words abt feeling/emotions to girls
>> girls emphasize agreement & boys use more threatening and dominating languages
3. G: ladylike, polite, gentle, express emotion freely
B: avoid being sissies, dont cry, maintain macho image, exploitative attitude, assertive

======================================================

Social institution-FAMILY
Family type:
A)Family orientation: the family in which one grows up, made up of oneself, one's parents & siblings
B)Family procreation: established through marriage, consisting of oneself, one's spouse & children

Family Composition:
A)Nuclear family:
>> consisting of 2parents & their unmarried children
>> also called conjugal family because its member are related by virtue of the marriage btw parents
B)Extended family:
>> consisting of 2parents, their unmarried children, & other relatives
>> also called consanguine family because their blood tie among relatives is considered more important than the marital bond

Mate Selection:
A)arrangement marriage: partners are selected by the couple's parents is very common
B)exogamy: the act of marrying someone from outside one's group such as clan, tribe, village
C)endogamy: the act of marrying someone from within one's own group
D)monogamy: marriage of 1 man & 1 women
E)polygamy: marriage of one person to 2/more ppl of the opposite sex
F)polyandry: marriage of 1women to 2/more men
G)polygyny: marriage of 1men to 2/more women
H)serial monogamy: marriage of 1person to 2/more ppl but only one at a time

Residence:
A)Neolocal residence: a home where the married couple live by themselves, away from both husband's & wife's families
B)Patrilocal residence: a home where the married couple live with the husband's family
C)Matrilocal residence: a home where the married couple live with the wife's family

Authority:
A)Patriarchal family: dominant figure is the eldest male
B)Matriarchal family: dominant figure is the eldest female
C)Egalitariat family: authority is equally distributed btw husband &wife

Functionalist perspectives: Family function
(i)sexual regulation:
>> impose some control on who may have sex with whom
>> premarital sex to determine whether a girl is fertile & to prepare adolescents for marriage
>> extramarital sex under condition that do not disturb family stability (eg: offer wives to overnight guests as a gestures of hostility)
(ii)reproduction:
>> produce children to replace the older adults who die
>> traditional societies, children considered precious
>> modern societies, children rewarded with tax deductions
(iii)emotional security:
>> children shape personalities & create hard-to-break patterns from family
>> need comfort & reassurance
(iv)socialization:
>> transmits its values to the new generation
(v)economic cooperation:
>> children need physical care: food, clothing, shelter
>> family members cooperate as economic unit, working to earn income/ doing household chores to minimize expenditures

Conflict perspectives: Violence & Exploitation
(i)violence:
>> family is the most violence institution
>> anger, physical punishment, spouse slapping e/other
>> few group in society empowered by law/tradition to hit its members
>> it is legal to spank a children as a form of punishment
>> many husband who strike their wives are not arrested/prosecuted/imprisoned
(ii)exploitation:
>> family is a mechanism for men's exploitation of women
>> men are paid for their work outside the home meanwhile women are not paid for their work inside the home
>> if women are paid for her services as a mother & homemaker, she would earn more than most the men do
>> by devaluing women's housework, family serve the interest for male exploitation
>> even both working, wive generally do most of the housework

Conflict perspective: Interaction & happiness
1. focus on immediate issues, such as how the interaction btw husband & wife can bring marital happiness/unhappiness
2. types of interaction toward marital happiness:
(i)positive interaction: act of thoughtful friendliness such as touching, smiling, & paying compliments
(ii)negative interaction: act of thoughtless nastiness such as ignoring, criticizing, & calling name

Alternatives lifestyle:
(i)staying single: reason for the increase in committed single-hood:
>> social pressure to get married has declined
>> opportunity for single to have a good life has expanded
(ii)living together:
>> couple live together without have any marriage ceremony
>> cohabitation has spread through among college student & young working adults
>> most cohabitants live like marriage couple & intend to marry eventually
(iii)gay & lesbian marriage:
>> has been legalized in Canada, Belgium, Netherlands
>> have same legal protections & financial benefits as heterosexual couples
>> have children - from earlier heterosexual relationship, adopted / born through artificial insemination
>> tend to have an egalitarian relationship- have same gender roles

======================================================

Now left with:
Social interaction
Group & Organization

i wish to cont, but its late now... going to campus! good luck for me!
======================================================

Social social social...society society society...


Saturday, December 18, 2010

失望的角落只有我

想念你的心 从未休息过
期待你的踪影 从未出现过

今天一直在期待。。。期待你站在我家门口
你答应到我家。。。陪我一起温习
督促我读书。。。不让我把时间花在不应该花的地方
天使也在为我着急。。。怎么还没把它读完
看见身边的人都轻松自在
怎么只有我独自温习
你呢?不来了么?

================================================

曾经想要打给你
从你语气得知你很忙
不想被打扰
于是。。。我在手机上写了备忘录放在荧幕里

"WARNING
不准MISS老公
不准CALL老公
读书"

多次的冲动几乎被荧幕上的小NOTE给喝止了
总算成功没去打扰你
想着
再多几小时后。。。你就到了
几小时后。。。再多几分钟就到了
几分钟后。。。再多一下就到了
一下后。。。塞车吧
可能半夜车辆比较少才来吧
可能。。。
可能。。。吧

================================================


可惜。。。老天爷爷不让你来啊
就在今天
你爸出车祸了,相信他没大碍吧
只是他占且需要你的"小蓝"来载家人上下班
我明白
我体谅
我不生气
我不闹情绪
我不怪任何人
我不。。。不哭

这是命运。。。它不让你见我
或许
它只是代替你拒绝我
你说你有你的事去办
我知道的
我明白的
我没事的
真的没什么
我可以自己读书
我可以记得喝水
只要把水瓶摆在桌上。。。我就记得了
你可以到。。。"漫画展"去
我知道。。。你想去

我只是。。。有点失望
虽然已经有预感你来不了。。。却很坚信这次会不一样
抱着很大的希望。。。却获得了很大的失望
我还在希望。。。希望我能够学会不再抱着希望
也希望你爸没事~


=|
失望的角落只有我

Monday, December 13, 2010

你什么都不知道

==================================

在你眼里,我有多重要我不知道
在你眼里,我有多好我不知道


在我眼里,你很重要
在我眼里,你很好。。。吗?

===================================

喜欢你的贴心
喜欢你的幽默
喜欢你的笑脸
喜欢你的气味
喜欢你扮小猫
喜欢你装可爱
喜欢你在我身边

习惯了你在我身边,在你家逗留了一个星期
习惯了你在我身边,无时无刻提醒我多喝水
习惯了。。你的声音,你的笑声,你的笑容

====================================

不习惯回到自己的家
不习惯没有你的日子
不习惯早上起床看不见你熟睡的模样
不习惯早餐没有和你一起吃
不习惯没有你拿白开水给我喝
不习惯没有你的拥抱
好多的不习惯

====================================

今天一早起床,我就有种说不出的想念
很想听见你的声音
很想见到你
当我收到了你的早安信息
便迫不及待地拨电话给你
好让我听见你的声音

电话那头传来你的声音
突然觉得能够听见你的声音很幸福~很幸福~
从你的声音
可听见你也聊得蛮开心
我也知道你在尽你所能要劝我读书
真的很开心你还关心我

或许你不知道
你已成为我的精神寄托

当你说要挂机时
有种落空的感觉涌入心头
我很努力的想话题
为了让你能够陪我聊多一会
虽然我知道这通话早晚都得结束

你不知道
挂机前,我眼角已有泪光
挂机后,更泪流满面
听不见你的声音
听见的只有
哭泣声

"原来我从未习惯 你已不在我身旁"

....................

我想
我的病情开始发作了
因为
接下来做了好多乌龙的事

1。。。。。。。。。。忘了吃正餐
2。。。忘了喝水(这几天都发生过)
3。 洗澡时,搽了2次洗发水在头上
当发现时,想着想着
渐渐地眼眶被眼泪把视线弄模糊了。
眼泪也不听话就流了下来。
我哭过,谁会知道? 你什么都不知道。

记得我们刚在一起时
你答应我说
"老婆,我们以后最多只能一天不见面"
虽然我知道
那只是在哄我的甜言蜜语
可是
我好希望那时真的
"老公,可以么"

我好恨我自己那么没用
那么弱
难道双鱼座的女生
真的除了爱情
就没有别的生存价值了吗?

........................

最近有段新闻轰动全马,甚至国外
ALVISS KONG 江世丰
因失恋,留言面子书后轻生

许多人给予评论
可惜我们不是他,根本不了解他的感受
因为在他的世界里
只有爱情
如果爱情能够理智,那就不是爱情
或许他的选择是错的
但在他的角度
那是对的选择
也或许是唯一的选择

或许
哪天我失恋了
我会想起他
希望他来世可以活快乐

......................

刚刚接到了老公的电话
好开心
听见你的声音时
我禁不住又流下眼泪
开心得说不出话来

你像是听见了我的心声
向我提出要把我带回"家"
我毫不犹豫
答应了! 我答应了!
即使我父母再不喜欢我打扰你家
即使你父母再不喜欢我寄宿你家
即使你再不喜欢我黏你
即使我再不喜欢饿肚子
我也不愿离开你身边一步
谢谢你
你终于知道了
我真的好想你

====================================

T_T
寂寞

Saturday, December 11, 2010

It's Christmas Time

Oh, Jingle Bells~ Jingle Bells~
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh~ Yeah!

(Miyo & Kar mun)

(Eunice & Miyo )

I went to Sg.Wang and Pavillion to shop before my final exam with my friends.
Miyo, Kar Mun & I have taken few photos in Pavillion....
Then we met another 3 friends: Jia Hui, Wai Cheng & Chor Yin to go for lunch at Oishi (sushi restaurant)

It's really oishi~~~ haha~
my ebi fry set

I shopped this Voir bag, and my new shoes.
happy!

Waiting for the Christmas to come!
25Dec 2010
Before that, study hard to prepare for final exam on 21 Dec 2010.

o(^-^)o
Gambateh!!!
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